Do you ever put off doing something because you’re afraid you’ll suck? Do you avoid situations where you will have to do something new? Have you ever put something off you know will improve your life, even though you have no reasons not to do it?
If your answer to any of the questions is yes, let me tell you about Lucy.
Lucy is you best friend. You are at her house, because she called you to come over immediately. Lucy, again, got in an argument with her boyfriend whom she has been with for the last four years. They fight pretty much about anything, she says she hates his guts and never wants to talk to him again. You have heard that multiple times and two days later, two weeks later, two years later, she is still with him. Why? She hates him more than she likes him.
Well, I’ll tell you why. Lucy is fucking scared.
Imagine you are in an elevator you are going up.
No fears. You feel great.
FLOOR NO. 1
You get out of the elevator and on your left you see people killing each other, people getting old, getting sick, people dying, accidents. Things just happen to them, and they are afraid of the situation. On your right you see people trying to decide if they want to go back to school, people that are just about to give a speech, people who are about to quit their job. They have to take action, but they are afraid to take action.
The fear you are experiencing is dependent on exterior situations.
So you go back in the elevator, up to floor No. 2.
FLOOR NO. 2
You get out again. You see your friend Lucy staying with her boyfriend because she is scared of being alone, you see people staying in their job they hate because they are scared of failure, you see people not getting close to each other because they are scared of being vulnerable. Floor No. 2 shows you how your ego is involved in so many ways. If you are afraid of failure you are afraid to fail in your job, in your relationships, in your hobbies. Failure is failure. So in order to prevent failure you protect yourself.
You limit yourself.
Floor No.2 fears can have a great impact on your overall life. So you get back in the elevator as quickly as possible and press the button. It can only get better, right?
FLOOR NO. 3
The door opens. You don’t even get out of the elevator anymore. You try to close the door again and get to the next floor (I know by then you have figured out it only gets worse, but just so you get the picture…). But there is no next floor. You are stuck. You look out of the elevator and all you see is people in other elevators, people like you, trying desperately to get to the next floor.
You are stuck.
So let’s call floor No. 3 „stuck-floor“. On stuck-floor the fear paralyzes you. It’s the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you. So you wonder how you can go back to the ground floor. Back to where you don’t fear anything. What do you need to do to get there?
The answer is simple.
All you need is the certainty that you CAN handle whatever life may bring you.
What would you have to fear if you knew that you can handle anything? Anything? NOTHING! If you trusted yourself enough to know, that whatever live brings you, you can handle it, there is nothing to be afraid of, right?
So all you have to do is, to find a way to trust in your abilities to handle any situation. Turn the fear „ that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you“ around. Make it a „Whatever happens to me I can handle it.“ And you will keep moving forward, you will keep growing.
This doesn’t mean you should have no fear at all. You will always be afraid. The key is to notice your fear and still do whatever it is that it’s keeping you away from.
So what would Lucy do if she knew she was able to handle her life without her boyfriend? Of course, she would break up. If she knew she could handle it she would break up. This doesn’t mean she can’t be afraid of living alone. It means she knows she is afraid and still does is. Because she trusts herself. Because she knows she can handle the situation. Because she knows that whatever comes her way she will be able to handle it.
So what can you do?
You can learn how to trust yourself!
If you need somebody to guide you: I’ll show you plenty of possibilities how to.